Hamster Wheel ...

 

I was, for a moment or two, feeling compelled to write about that old WWII poster - the one warning that “Loose Lips Sink Ships” or about how scary it is when a president’s words are “walked back” by his staff in order to smooth things over.  Who are these people who tell us what our president really meant, but didn’t actually say?  I was also going to write that I am not sure which is worse to listen to – a whispering or a shouting president. But – I am trying so hard to keep it light.  Not always easy these days. I am trying to switch the channel here. Hope you will stay with me.

I confess. Sometimes I worry. Sometimes I fret. No matter what I tell myself about the senselessness of this, I am who I am.  It’s like the whole patience “thing”.  I have been trying for as long as I can remember to try to become a more patient person.  Not making much progress there either.  The thing is – this issue is not present all the time.  It comes and goes depending on the circumstances.  Other people tell me that it is a common ailment. Really?  Maybe people just tend to hide it. Maybe it is not something that they talk about readily.

It is like when you are sleeping away from home and you try to adjust to the night noises of a strange place.  Different room. Different bed. Different sounds.  Was that something moving in the wall behind your head? Was that some snarling clawing animal scratching at the window screen or just a tree branch brushing up against it in the wind? Been there?

Years ago, things were worse actually – My kids were small. Life was somehow more complicated.  As my mom used to say – “we all have our own special bag of rocks.  And... if you look around and see how fortunate you really are deep down, you probably do not want to trade your bag of rocks for someone else’s.  She was a smart woman.  I learned a lot from her now that I think back on everything we had together while on our journey together.  Anyway – years ago I used to tell myself that when I had time, I would take a break.  I earned it. I deserved it.  You know – a time to shut down if only for a little while.  I never found that time back in those days.

The thing is – I have that time now.  I am trying to give myself some of this time -- if only a little bit now and then.  When I succeed, it is wonderful.  I call it Slugsville and I can pretty much go there whenever I want -- within reason of course. (I think I have mentioned Slugsville before....) Maybe that freedom is part of what retirement is.  (Although is anyone ever truly retired?) But… one cannot stay in Slugsville forever and I, personally would not want to. Maybe it is more a matter of focus.  Shut out some of the world sometimes, but connect with what is most important. Personally -- I like spending as much time as possible with my family and interacting with friends and other people in general.  A world within a world.

So – I am thinking that sometimes it is okay to worry.  Sometimes it is okay to fret.  It is okay to keep on working on the patience “thing”. Maybe those things are just part of the human condition.  Maybe trying matters. Maybe asking questions is important as well.