Let's Talk About Friends...

I have had some wonderful male friends over the years  (still do), but let’s face it – on some level, men will never be able to understand women.  Why should they?  They are not like us..  We can't really understand them either. I think men are wired differently or something. I don’t spend much time thinking about it at this stage of the game.  This gap, imagined or real, which sometimes causes painful disappointment on both sides, is not the fault of men, nor that of women. It’s just there. Some have even said, “Vive la difference!”  

More to the point I am trying to make though … I have female friends of all ages, and I value the perspective of each -- from the young woman who finds life to be a bit more black and white than I may now in my 6^th decade -- to the woman in her 9th decade to whom life has offered many lessons, some of them hard-learned.  If you are fortunate enough to have a friend of this age group, you need to listen most carefully to what she has to say. She’s been there.  A few of my favorite tidbits offered by a woman at age 96 as she was speaking her own truth: “Don’t worry about it; it happens.” “Whatever floats your boat.”  “Time heals nothing. You just get a little more used to it every day.”   

There is such wisdom in experience.  A friend of mine, now in her 8^th decade, formed a discussion group a few years ago that meets once a month -- unless she is off in India, China, New Zealand, Australia or some other exotic place. How cool is that?  Anyway - this friend has mentioned on two occasions that it is important to cherish your female friends because it is they who will be with you as time goes by. Think about that, fellow women. (I must mention that I know of one group of particularly savvy members of the Class of '67 who totally get this.)

Further -- when I think of this advice, I can’t help but think of my "growing-up" "best" friend.  We have been friends for almost sixty years now. Everyone should have a friend like her. Time passes, and we may not even have a hint as to the details of each other’s current life, but we hear each other’s voice or see each other across a room and automatically tap into that "connection".  We know who each is at the core. We swam in the Brokenstraw Creek, scaled large rocks in our Keds, and walked a rabbit on a leash for crying out loud. She taught me how to drive a standard shift in the high school parking lot. We faced the "horrors" of adolescence and worse -- together.  We laughed; we cried -- together. This friendship is as close to a "sister-bond" that one can get without actually being a sister.  When we talk, it is like no time has passed and we catch up if we need to. If not – we are just thankful that there is someone out there who knows  -- really knows. There is someone out there who could finish the other's sentences if need be, who could be in some part the other's memory and sometimes has been. There is someone who can “read” the sound of the other's voice, see the message by looking into the eyes of the other with nothing being said.  There is someone who knows that if you put “it” into words, that you are somehow removing “it” from what “it” really is… that if you talk about it, you diminish it somehow. Friends like this get the message in a miraculous way. I don’t know what to call that.  Very simply – these friends understand each other without any of the explanation. They are able to sense the message – completely – with all its nuances.  It is as if they reach out and softly grasp the other’s hand….

Yes -- There is so much to say about friends…  a friend is truly a blessing -- I so wish I could find the right words.  Who hasn't wished that?  I also wish that everyone could have a good friend.

Pasture Parties

I live on the edge of a pasture that is pretty much surrounded by woods. In days gone by, there were actually cows and horses grazing within sight.  Not anymore.  In fact -- most of the fence has fallen down, and I am content to enjoy the wildlife. It is especially nice that deer, turkey, bear, fox, coyotes and the occasional bobcat don't require chores. Yep -- the book on domesticated animals has closed. Instead -- I  watch the groundhogs and turkey vultures and -- I now have pasture parties.  Just so there is no confusion -- these are not parties in my pasture except on rare occasions when we gather around a campfire and chat. Mostly they are get-togethers of some of the people who live on the edge of my pasture.  Usually we gather in the summer, but we have been known to have pasture parties in the dead of winter when cabin fever drops in for a visit and overstays its welcome. The guest list has changed in the past few years - people have moved on in one way or another. New people have arrived. The gatherings are nice.  I love my neighbors.  I wonder if city folk would call them block parties?  It's the same concept really - only on a smaller scale.  People bring food and we sit around telling funny stories and catching up on neighborhood news. We have been known to tell the same story more than once if it is a good one. Some stories are repeated every time we gather. Nobody seems to mind. Now and then even people who have moved away are able to come back for one of the gatherings. Once a pasture neighbor, always a pasture neighbor.  We know who each other are.  It's comforting ... like the retelling of a shared experience.

You and I know that the world today is very fast paced... and that's not just because some of us are moving more slowly. There are even people who have lived in the same place for many years and have never met their neighbors. Now  -- maybe that could be a good thing in some situations, but it is also a sad indication of things being so complicated in our lives that we find it difficult or awkward to even stop and say a brief "hello".  I am all for anything that can slow us down if only for a little bit.  That is one reason why pasture parties are fun. Getting together with people of a variety of interests and ages is just plain refreshing and so worth the pause in busy lives.  I  must also mention that the food is always wonderful as well. My recommendation: stop, take a breath and, party on....  An informal gathering doesn't require a pasture or an excuse to get together -- just a few good neighbors.

"Sick Day" at Nana's house....

Let me just say that any of you who have had that special joy of having an eight-year-old boy in your life are going to understand exactly where I am coming from today. Recently my grandson was not feeling well enough to go to school.  Seriously. He didn't have a fever, but you could see in his eyes and when you listened to his cough, that it was not his best day.  Even when not quite up to par though, he has a certain undaunted energy level. He's eight. Enough said.

When he first came over to my house, we got organized -- put the Kleenex within reach, opened a small can of ginger ale for sipping and almost settled down to watch a movie when... he noticed a bug on the ceiling in the kitchen.  It was bothering him.  He thought he had seen it before in that exact same spot and knowing him, he probably had.  He wondered out loud if it were alive.  He simply could not settle down to a quiet time unless he knew.  So -- he took off his socks so that he wouldn't slip, and climbed up onto the counter-top to get a closer look. He is in that leggy/not quite grown into his feet stage - exceedingly and enviably nimble. (What was the name of that cute little guy in Jungle Book? Mowgli? Can you picture it?)  Anyway -- he planned most carefully.  He even had a paper towel in his hand to catch the bug when he dislodged it with the edge of a fly-swatter he had found somewhere in the laundry room. (I actually didn't even remember that I had a fly-swatter.) Anyway -- even after close examination with a magnifying glass, we were not sure if it were alive or not, but it floated gently off the paper towel and onto the leaves of a Day Lily plant when we took it outside to set it free. He thought it was alive. I pretended that it may have been.  That is sometimes what Nanas do. Right?  Maybe it was alive. 

By then his mind was working.  He didn't want to settle on the couch -- not even for a minute.  "You know what, Nana?  We should think of ideas for your blog. You write down the ideas that we think of and I will keep score."  And so it went...  For the next hour we came up with ideas.  He thought of the most. We considered several, including:

• War against dandelions and other weeds
• The idiosyncrasies of his family dog and cats (He gave several examples with great potential.)
• The highlights of his Uncle, Aunt and cousin's upcoming visit including playing Magic cards and having Nerf battles in the basement
• Recurring dreams  -- His are much more interesting than mine. He dreams of dragons in my basement and digging holes to China.  My recurring dream merely involves falling down some basement steps, and I haven't actually had that dream since grade school. How long ago was that?
• "Technobaby". That is what he sometimes calls his little sister who can figure out anything technological and has been able to since age two. She is four now. 
• The list could go on... and actually does for several pages of a notepad. I think I may have mentioned that we did this for an hour...or so.

I am sure you can tell which ideas belong to me and which ones to him. His are the really fun ones.  It was a great way to spend some time together.  We also enlisted the help of a friend who happened to stop in.  Her ideas could fuel several blogs.  It seems that her home has become well known as a good place to drop off stray cats if they don't find their own way to her home from the neighbors all by themselves.  There are currently three outside cats - Thomas and Torty 1 and Torty 2... and five indoor cats.  The house cats include the sibling kitties, Missy and Charlie, as well as Moggy, Fluffy, Beauty and Bobby Sox. Wait a minute -- that is six of the indoor variety - nine total. Either way -- each cat has an interesting story, and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We laughed a lot at the side stories of each, and I am entertaining the notion of writing a blog on what people choose to name their pets.  I have heard some great names in my day. My Mom told me once that they visited friends in Michigan whose Great Danes were named "Get off the Rug" and "You too".  Could that be true?

And so the day went...  It was lovely...  Laughter is great medicine for sure; some say it is the best medicine and have research to support that theory. I know it made the "sick day" at Nana's a lot of fun.  We all felt better by the end of the time together. Even when he doesn't feel "up to par" that child is a breath of fresh air and he always makes me laugh. It's just one of his talents.     

Unknown Caller...

A couple of weeks ago I had just settled down to an evening of quiet relaxation and mind numbing television when the phone rang, and for some unknown reason -- I actually answered it in spite of Caller ID indicating that it may have been some potential scammer targeting the elders of America -- the Unknown Caller. (Notice I did not use the term elderly in the previous sentence?) Anyway -- since I now know how to use the pause button on my Roku remote, and because I just felt adventurous, I picked the phone off the charger and braved a strong hello. Whoa -- I could actually understand the person calling -- a real person, not just a recording from the IRS calling from their cell phone -- telling me that they were suing me and that I needed to contact them immediately. On the other end of the "line" was a nice woman named Ann, asking me to take a survey. I agreed to do so, basically because she spoke English like a native-born American (possibly from New Jersey or Eastern Pennsylvania), and... I knew I could hang up at any time I wanted.  

It is so lovely to be in total control of your own phone.  (I will never forget the day that I realized, for example, that I didn't have to answer my phone just because it rang. My kids informed me of this -- repeatedly -- until I finally "got it".  Anyway -- this ignoring the ringing phone was a huge step toward a new found freedom - second only to blocking calls from a former college wanting money. Huge.... Since then I marvel at my regained powers... at least phone wise. I sometimes feel that next to Scotch tape, Caller ID and Call Blocking are the best inventions ever. Do want to mention though that I never did become attached to my Answering Machine, Voice Mail or the rudest technology of all time  -- the Caller Waiting option. I always hang up when put on hold...always...except if I am calling the pizza shop.  Some things are worth the wait...but it is still rude.) 

Back to the survey call itself -- for the next few minutes I answered harmless questions of a non-personal variety and then discovered, once again, that I am woefully ignorant about many political issues. That is what happens when you ban all newspapers and TV news shows from your home to keep the bad news out - even if it is only for a few months at a time. I used to think that this ignorance was a bad thing -- a personal weakness. Now?  I don't really care. I ease any residual discomfort and appease any trace of guilt by turning on CNN once in a while...and ... usually I regret this decision. It is uncomfortable, however, to be reminded, as in this survey, that I basically have lost all faith in politicians, and in governmental proceedings...or almost all.  

Anyway -- bet you have taken a survey like this one before yourself in a moment of weakness.  The process got me to thinking about how I could have dealt with this intrusion into my private time.  When Ann asked me if I had a few moments to answer a short list of questions I could have said, "Sure" and then said: " But first, Ann, -- I am curious about a couple of things..." 

• How are you? Are you having a good day? Do you find that most people are nice to you on the phone? Or...?   
• Do you get paid well for doing these surveys?  Do you earn under or over minimum wage? What is minimum wage in your state?  What state is that? In general, how do you feel about your pay on a scale from 1 - 5 with 5 indicating that you are totally satisfied?
• Do you get paid by the number of people you call or by the number of completed surveys? Do they deduct pay when people hang up on you? Are your feelings hurt when people do so?
• What company or political party are you really working for?  Are you sitting in a back room of the White House right now?
• Are you, by any chance, as apathetic as I find myself to be?  Do you care? On a scale from 1 - 5....
• What is your highest level of education? How old are you? Really? You sound younger.
• Do you have other jobs, or is this full time?
• Do you own your own home? 
• Do you live in the city or in the boonies?
• What would you be doing if you were not doing this survey?
• Do you have any idea of what time zone you are calling?  Do you care?
• Are you planning on buying a new car within the next 5 years? If so what make/model do you think it will be? Will you buy it new or used?
• How did you get my phone number? Did you have to pay for it?  
• Have I brightened your day?

The list could go on and on.  I didn't pose any of these questions, but I did manage to make Ann laugh out loud more than once, so it was totally worth my time. Our time together was actually sort of fun. She told me that she had enjoyed speaking with me.  Then, in contrast -- at 9 PM on Memorial Day I received another one of those calls that Caller ID has trouble identifying.  This one was from Windows - yet again - worrying about my computer that must have been communicating its discomfort to them in some miraculous way. Are you laughing yet?  I simply do not know a person who has not received a multitude of these calls from this Windows of an unspecified company.   I hung up.  Wouldn't you think that the person in charge of this particular scam would caution his/her callers to take a day off on the United States' Memorial Day? Seriously.... Perhaps I should have explained this to the person on the other end of my phone, but  -- honestly -- I am not certain she would have understood me. It would have been unkind to turn the tables on her. I know I had trouble understanding one single word she was reading from her script -- other than the Windows part. She was no Ann.  I can't help wonder what country she was calling from and how/if she gets paid? These calls are exhausting. Would you agree? 

The thing is -- what if the next time my Caller ID is clueless there is another nice Ann at the other end of the call?  I could practice my questions and see what happens. I would hate to miss that.  I am thinking that I may answer the phone just in case. I can always hang up.