The Klutz Factor...

I am not certain, but I am thinking that clumsiness may be hereditary. My sister and I are "fallers". We have talked about this on more than one occasion. The issue is always there for consideration. We can and do fall for no apparent reason at any time - in any place - with no notice whatsoever. We also bump into things, shut our fingers in drawers, open doors into ourselves, drop stuff (as my niece would say), and are unexpectedly clumsy in general. We live with the klutz factor and have always assumed that we inherited this tendency from our Mom who was a klutz as well.  It was a special bond.  We have laughed about it and ... have laughed at each other.   The three of us always found each other's dilemmas funny in an odd sort of way -- a tie that binds, I guess. Our Mom was always the first to laugh.  She started it.  My sister and I still find each other funny.  It's special. 

A little background -- Our Mom attended my sister's college graduation with a black eye hidden behind large sunglasses as she had opened a car door into her own face. She attended my sister's wedding sporting scabby knees she earned when she fell while playing hopscotch with us a couple of days before the big day -- she was wearing her sandals instead of proper hopscotch footwear.  (We all should have known better than to tempt fate considering our "issue"....)

My sister has real horror stories of embarrassment resulting from this condition -- one story even involves policemen on bicycles.  On a coffee break at a Starbucks just across the way, they witnessed one of her falls and called an ambulance. Seriously - this happened -- a crowd gathered.  She had to deal with zealous paramedics in front of everyone.  I laugh every time I think about it. Am I awful?  On the other hand, I think my most horrific fall was the time I fell while walking in a crowded hallway of the school where I taught. I tripped on nothing while walking with and talking to a student.
I, unfortunately and unluckily for him, had a pen in my hand at the time and ... let's just say although there was ample blood, no stitches were required. (My students did have a tendency to avoid walking with me in the hallway between classes after that.)   I also fell while deplaning in Atlanta once -- I tell everyone that my heel caught on the steps of the airplane.  Of course -- I think her stories are hysterically funny. Mine -- not so much.... I am wondering if she, too, is still hoping that we will at some point grow out of this tendency.  

The thing is -- we have come to accept the situation. We always have soft washcloths, antibiotic cream and bandages on hand. (We own spare eyeglasses.) It is never a surprise to hear that my sister has tripped over nothing and fallen on her face.  I did the same thing just a couple of days before that -- whenever it was. It happens without warning.  Seriously we can trip on nothing, and we fall so quickly that we don't have time to protect ourselves.  Thump....

When I began to write about this topic, I thought that my daughter and niece might have escaped – that the tendency may have skipped a generation.  Both of them disagree vehemently. Wish you could have seen my daughter's face when I brought that up. She thinks that she was born with the factor, but that she has outgrown it somewhat.  I think that is dangerous thinking, but I hope she is right. My niece emailed me from Baltimore that she definitely has the klutz factor and had me laughing out loud as I read about her always having “at least one mysterious, self-inflicted bruise at any given time” and about a fall in front of a busload of tourists who were “milling about”.  I must mention here that she had made it - walking all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge without even a hint of a trip before this happened.  Good job on that!

Now considering the forth generation -- my granddaughter is showing some signs.  I’m not sure.  I will keep a watchful eye on her and can offer understanding and support if the situation continues.   There are worse things for certain. My sister's granddaughter is still in the Toddler stage. She's expected to fall. We will be keeping an eye on her as well. We have experience and wisdom in this area as you now know. 

Unplugged...

As with many words, "unplugged" has taken on new meaning over time. Let's be clear from the very start -- I am not talking about "pulling the plug".  I am talking about living without all the electronic "advantages" of today's world and a bit about at least becoming more selective in how we spend our time. Certainly electronics are wonderful in many ways -- but....

Recently my cable company was "down" for over twelve hours.  (This, of course, will not be reflected on my next bill. I will quietly pay for their downtime, as all their subscribers do. I pick my battles.) Since I had had the "wisdom" to "bundle", this outage meant:

• No Internet or Wi-Fi
• No land line phone service
• No cable TV or Roku, which translates into no Netflix or Acorn TV among other options...  (I so love Acorn TV.  I watch sometimes until I am thinking in a British accent.)   

Anyway -- it was a pause in the action -- like someone pulled the rug out from underneath me. My life changed temporarily. I consoled myself with the fact that I still had electricity and running water. Since my life suddenly had become much quieter, I began to think back to before we had become so dependent upon all things electronic. Seriously -- I never leave home without my cell phone, let alone drive 500 miles without it. Times have changed and continue to change. I am not always good with this. It takes me time to adjust. I still use road maps. I am a map person.

• Remember when we drove without power steering, air-conditioning or ... snow tires? My goodness -- we even stopped to ask directions in those days. Now my Jeep talks to me, and I can't always figure out how to make it stop. 
• Remember when we could never have imagined computers, laptops or video games? Now you can wear a computer on your wrist even when you are taking a shower. Think for a minute about that! Is there no alone time anymore?  
• Remember when we had no TV?  Now I have one in almost every room in the house, and ... TVs are getting smarter.  Some of the newer ones have cameras in them.  So creepy.

All of this is sometimes just too much. For example, I do not want my Amazon order to be delivered by drone...ever.  Please Note:  I didn't even mention online shopping, email, or social media.  Being plugged in means the list goes on and on -- new things every day with new words to describe them. What's trending?  Do you post or tweet?  Both?   Are you familiar with the CamMe app or Nixie, the flying camera that grabs onto your wrist when not in use? It's exhausting.

Anyway --- once I got over the shock of being unplugged, I rapidly "tuned into the silence."  It was lovely.  The quiet was restful. I could hear the sounds of my home in winter.  I read; I wrote with pencil and paper; I had time to think in peace. It made me feel smarter -- not so much on overload. 

Interesting to consider in relation to all this is that my grandkids have no cable TV in their home. It's not that they are totally "unplugged" -- just more than some.  In addition - their electronic time is limited and monitored. I sometimes think about bribing them to sit down and watch TV quietly if only for a few moments. (Is that shameful?) Most often they make up complicated games, draw chalk "murals" on my basement floor, or check out life in the pasture or the boxes in my cupboards. They play with my grandmother's buttons (like I did) and explore the world around them. They have wonderful imaginations. They think.... You know what my 7-year-old grandson said that he wanted for Christmas? He said that he wanted a golden harp and a Master's Degree. Need I say more? Look what happens when you unplug in even some ways? I'm telling you, I listen when these kids speak.  I don't want to miss one single thing. They are fun and funny. It's a double blessing.  

I have, by the way, uninstalled Candy Crush Saga/Soda (at least temporarily) from all my electronic devices, I continue to add/subtract in my head before I use a calculator, and I am self-monitoring my TV selections.  I am still plugged in - but not as much. Yep - it makes me feel smarter. 

Stranger on the Porch

I am thinking that some city folks might not find this believable, but life on the edge of a pasture and woods can sometimes be very exciting.  I personally have had a couple of close encounters with bear with whom I share my blackberry patches, and one time a couple of baby bobcats took shelter on one of my porch chair cushions -- which were never quite the same after their stop over. Of course white-tailed deer pass through at least twice a day -- sometimes in large groups. We often chat in a manner of speaking. I talk; they appear to listen attentively. However -- the evening I am going to tell you about was a whole new kind of experience. 

It began during a winter storm, cold and windy... winter bleakness in general. It had been gray all day and almost totally dark out since about 4 PM.  If you live in NW PA, you know what I am talking about. Anyway -- I was enjoying dinner with my grandkids and daughter when we saw a strange creature "flying" through the yard. It was larger than a cat, thinner than a bear cub... very stringy looking. Unfortunately their dog, the Lovely Luna, was outside, and, as she has a tendency to bring all sorts of unusual things home, we were not surprised to find both her and her new mangy-looking acquaintance on my back porch. The two of them were making a tremendous amount of noise that sounded none too friendly as I am sure you can imagine. The grandkids ran into the laundry room with their dinner as -- naturally --it was way more fun to be scared in there than at the kitchen table.  My daughter managed to get her beast safely inside, but the mystery creature remained on the porch. Did I mention that it was about 12 degrees outside and this poor animal was not looking at all well?  

Now -- from previous experience with an ailing coyote, I have found that whenever a wild animal lands on your back porch, it's not a good thing. It was time to take action or ... to stay inside until Spring.

I tried to call the game warden for my township. No luck.
I called my neighbor who said to call the State Police. Helpful.
I called the State Police and they gave me a phone number for a game commission office that is about 60 miles from here. Not really what I wanted.

So we did what we should have done in the first place. My daughter called her brother-in-law who is a man we are all glad we know because in addition to being really nice, he can do anything, fix anything and is almost totally self-sufficient other than he doesn't build his own trucks from scratch - yet. He is a bit of a survivalist and therefore has appropriate weaponry. He came immediately - just had to finish feeding his chickens first.  His was an amazing entrance. The man fills a doorway. He arrived dressed in his usual camouflage and carrying a blowgun that is taller than I am at almost 5'3".  Oh how I wish I had taken a photograph so that I could have shared his appearance with you.  This guy is about 6'5" tall in his stocking feet, but add large winter boots and a fur hat that resembles a full sized beaver -- and he is most impressive. With his hair almost to his waist and his significant beard, let me say he makes the Duck Dynasty bunch look wimpy.  Anyway - that stranger on my back porch took one look at him and vacated the premises.... hopefully never to be seen again. The blowgun was totally unnecessary. 

What surprises me in retrospect is that the kids were afraid of this small animal (probably a fox) and not at all affected by their uncle who resembled, on this occasion - an enlarged and scary Ewok.  I tell you what -- you would not want to run into him unexpectedly on your back porch.  No offense intended... honest.  He is my hero.    

Eek and Ick...

I do like small animals. Honest.  I am especially fond of dogs and cats and have even cared for and enjoyed turtles, wild baby bunnies that one of our Boxers brought home, fish, and even a smelly little hamster named Messy Marvin II. In contrast, I do not like unexpected encounters with mice and snakes because they startle me, and... I must confess that I do not like bats at all. I strongly dislike them. (My grand-kids have told me more than once that "we do not hate things.") Okay -- but... bats make my skin crawl.  Not only do they startle me, but they are creepy looking with those little rubbery claw-like feet and legs and -- they hang upside down.  Seriously....

I write unkind words about bats with the hope that the bat conservation people will not take a strong dislike to me, although I doubt that they would send any bats to me or anything.  Right?  They wouldn't, would they? No -- surely not. Right?  I know that they are serious people who take care of strays and I do hope that they can continue their work for those who would like to donate to the care of, to adopt, or to buy a bat. Actually I have even thought about buying bat houses myself so that I could lure the bats away from my barn and house. I may still do that. I know that bats are a good thing.  They eat insects. I like that about them --- really. That's wonderful -- I challenge you to find one single mosquito in my entire yard.  It's not personal -- really. Bats just unnerve me. For one thing -- they swoop. 

I first became aware of my "feelings" for bats when I suddenly spied one hanging from the wood ceiling of my sun-room a couple of summers ago. I was standing only a few feet away talking on the phone. It had invaded my territory. Between you and me, I freaked a bit and then when I realized that no one was going to come to my rescue -- that I would have to deal with it myself,  I donned garden gloves, a long-sleeved flannel shirt, heavy jeans, work boots, safety glasses and a hat, -- and -- sucked that mosquito eater up into the vacuum cleaner lickety split. I then pushed the vacuum outside while it was still running-- just in case the bat was angry with me and somehow broke loose. Later on -- I dragged the vacuum cleaner into my pasture before changing the bag and burning the old one.  I am telling you, it was a majorly scary experience for me, and... I have not felt quite the same way about that sweeper since then. 

Then -- a couple of weeks ago on a cold, windy, snowy day I realized that I needed to restock the wood pile in my garage, so off I went to my barn where I store firewood along side of my tractor, brush hog and my neighbor's golf cart.  You guessed it -- I found a lethargic bat in the middle of my rack of dry wood.  I picked up that log to get a closer look, and it just hung there with those little rubbery feet.  I am thankful that its head was tucked neatly under one of those wings or I may have screamed it out of hibernation or whatever it was doing there.  Needless to say I set that log aside -- hopefully the bat found a better place to "rest".  Anyone out there have an unoccupied belfry that needs a bat? Anyway -- when I left the barn it appeared to be stretching and to be a little confused as to its whereabouts. (Good thing I don't have a vacuum cleaner in my barn.) Anyway -- I always wear gloves when moving wood.  From now on I may wear safety glasses as well.      Eek and Ick....  

Resolutions for the New Year... or not....

Okay -- here's the truth.  If a New Year's Resolution is a promise to oneself, then I have made few New Year's Resolutions.  The reason why not?  It's because I have learned that I would break such a promise almost immediately and then spend the rest of the year feeling mildly guilty about not keeping it. I think about resolutions; I talk about resolutions; I listen to and read about other people's resolutions.  I just don't follow through with any of my own.  I admire those who do...or I would if I could find them. As far as I know, I have never encountered anyone who kept a New Year's Resolution. Maybe the whole thing is a case of "It's the thought that counts." You know -- good intentions and all that.  Do you keep resolutions or know anyone who does?  

To me New Year's Resolutions are serious business....  So -- if I were to make a resolution, it would have to include four things. 

I would wholeheartedly endeavor:

1.  to become more mindful of the world and of the people around me,
2.  to become a better listener, 
3.  to think more before I speak, and 
4.  to never forget to say Thank You.

Maybe a resolution is just the trying, not the actual 100% success. Maybe it isn't a heavy promise, but rather an attempt with your heart in a good place. I like that notion. I can be determined and I can try.  I have been doing that all my life.  I am thinking that you are familiar with that effort as well. Maybe a person can even make a resolution at any time of the year not only at the beginning.  I hope so.

If you do make a New Year's Resolution and keep it, please let me know.

******************

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

Happy 2015 Everyone!