Marking time...

I recently spent time with someone who is important to me as a friend. We laugh and share funny stories when we are together, and we also cover the important "stuff" as well.  You know -- the things that go below the surface. There are children and family concerns, challenges of growing older, the disappointments of not being able to "fix" things that come up in any of those areas. I am thinking that this experience and these feelings are things that many of us share.  

Anyway -- I sense that this friend is sort of marching in place -- marking time. I think this happens when you are still moving but feel like you are not going anywhere. It is simply when a person needs time to regroup, to sort out, and... perhaps to heal before reentering the fray of daily life at full strength - if that is even possible. Again I am thinking that this marching in place experience is something to which you may be able to relate. I know that I have been there once or twice myself.

I think that it is important to recognize this need to mark time in ourselves as well as in others. It is the classic case of being mindful. Sometimes you can see it in eyes - your own eyes as well as in others.  If you can see something in someone's eyes that makes you want to be especially kind,  to hug them or to reach out and touch their hand -- that may be it... they are marking time. Whatever they have been going through didn't kill them, but they need some time to regather strength, to heal and to be able to move forward. It is a time during which people need to be particularly kind to themselves...methinks.

Thinking about this whole idea makes me remember my Mom saying - more than once - something like, "You need be kind to others because you never know what they are going through, and because you know little or nothing of their past struggles. Sometimes pain lingers a bit."  My Mom was one smart lady to be sure. She was also kind. As I think back on it, I can see that she also had her own marking time periods.  She came through stronger.... Interesting.... Even in memories, she is still teaching me.  Nice....

It Takes a Village...

Attention Boomers as young as 60 who reside within the Corry Area School District...

• Want to stay in your own home for as long as you can?
• Need some help with a project now and then?
• Have trouble rearranging furniture, finding last minute transportation to an appointment, or with flipping your mattress?
• Is your computer stressing you out?
• Does your smartphone make you feel stupid?  
• Looking to hire a contractor, a lawn care service, an electrician, or a service provider of any sort who has been vetted and may offer you a discount?   

Becoming a member of Village Friends may be the perfect answer for you -- or for someone you know.

Check out the Village Friends, Inc. Facebook page or visit their website at www.villagefriendsinc.org for more details.  If you think that you want to consider becoming a member or a volunteer, you can call the Program Director, Jackie Haines at (814) 964-2767 or download an application from the website and mail it to 45 East Washington Street, Corry, PA 16407.

I recently joined as a member but also hope to do a bit of volunteering as well once I figure out where I might be able to help. I am thinking that we are most fortunate to have a Village Friends here that is a part of an important nationwide movement to help older citizens live independently and to participate in social, cultural and educational activities.  A lot is going on  -- many opportunities to just plain have fun.  There are, for example several  "Day Tripping" outings planned to visit and explore a variety of interesting places nearby and also the chance to participate in the "Coffee Club" that meets once a month to plan events and outings. 

A village can do more than raise a child - although that is certainly important. A village of friends can make everyone's life better - no matter what age they may happen to be.  You may want to think about volunteering, joining or perhaps -- donating to this organization.

Well alrighty then....

Recently my sister mentioned seeing the word "pertinerly" in a novel she was reading and went on to say that it reminded her of our grandmother, Bessie.  I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about until I figured out when I ran across that word while reading the same novel, that it means pretty nearly.  Then I remembered - but more as "pret near", although I am sure Bessie said "pertinerly" if my sister says so. My sister has a mind like a steel trap.  I will never play Trivial Pursuit with her if you know what I mean.  There are advantages though -- I have depended upon her to be my memory on more than one occasion. It's nice really. I don't tell her that though.  I just let her think that she remembers better because she is older than I am. 

Anyway -- when I thought more about it, I remembered listening to our Dad talk with his two brothers and older relatives at family gatherings and then teasing him (in my head only) about "family speak" as a language. I can't help but wonder if my first cousins noticed the same thing with their Dads.  I will ask them for sure -- if I remember. I also need to remember to ask my kids, niece, and nephews if my sister and I do the same thing. Language adapts to us somehow... or maybe we make it fit the occasion.  I mean, after all, -- we don't talk to our friends the way we talk to our grandchildren.  Seriously not....

Do all families have such shared expressions and ways of communicating?  I remember our son saying, "No, I amn't" for "No, I am not".  Actually the entire family said "amn't" until it was almost time for him to start school and we decided that we needed to stop.  I fondly think of it as our adopted contraction and find myself using it once in a while even now.  It's fun.

Maybe this whole thing has something to do with the way language tends to evolve.  New expressions and words are added all the time. Meanings change. Rules of grammar go by the wayside. Then again - maybe it is just the way we are.  Maybe we need to develop our own special phrases and words to communicate with our own special people. Maybe it is similar to nicknames. It's a connection of a sort.  Well alrighty then...

Thoughts of One 65....

Thoughts of One 16 was the title of a book that I wrote many years ago...many years ago. Actually it was more of a journal really.  It helped me survive my adolescent angst and to sort out all things complicated and that hurt.  I wrote snarky rhymes about teachers I found to be unfair or annoying.  I wrote about my parents not understanding who I really was. There were pages on young love, crushes, hurt feelings and even more pages on dreams and hopes. I even planned a home I wanted to live in when I grew up. Not surprisingly, I no longer wish to live in the loft of a barn in a damp, lush forest. Anyway -- I recently found this journal in a box in my basement. I had drawn a picture of myself on the cover.  My tongue was sticking out and my eyes were crossed. The word brat comes to mind.  It is in some ways embarrassing to read, but in other ways it is interesting now, looking back, to see how I was trying to find my way to the person I am today.

Remember the 1960's when it was all about the "identity crisis"?  How is that term for a blast from the past?  Argh -- the painful process of "finding oneself".  How unfortunate for many of us that this search occurred at the same time as bad cramps -- as if one were not enough without the other. Yet -- most of us somehow muddled our way through it all.  Must mention -- I have often thought that I would not wish that process on anyone, and I would not want to return to ages 13-19 for any reason. Writing helped me through it though -- no doubt.

Writing continued to be an out for me as time went on.  I wrote my way through college, marriage, children, both the good times and the not so good. Writing helped ease my way through many life challenges, including the death of a marriage, and of friends and family.  A lot of what I wrote over time, I destroyed. The words were never meant to be shared; they were just a pressure release -- at times a major venting.  In fact, I have even advised people to write and then to destroy.  Sometimes it is the process that counts... not the communication to others. Writing is, at times, more of a "me" thing. It helps one to sort through it all.

Now at this stage of the game, writing is particularly fun. Perhaps -- fun is not the best choice of words, but it will have to do.  At age sixty-five, I seem to be coming into my own as far as the writing thing is concerned. I have the time to write and have found a most pleasant audience for those words I choose to share. Thank you. 

As I continue to think about it, I most always have found something to enjoy about my age -- whatever that age was at the moment and regardless of whether I was writing or not at that time.  Even now in my "Twilight years" (another interesting expression to be sure), I find a lot to like about where I am.  I love being comfortable with who I am, with whom I am becoming. I know where I belong...what I do and do not want to do and... writing helped me find my way here. To me, actually, there is a certain relief in getting older.  For one thing, I can wear comfy clothes all the time -- every single minute of every day. I particularly enjoy that option. For another thing, I am relatively comfortable in saying what I want to say.  Maturing has taught me to mind my tongue, but even in that "I am totally the boss of me."   There is an almost intoxicating freedom in just knowing that you could say something if you really wanted to. 

I listened to a great teacher once who talked about stepping outside of oneself and watching the progression and challenges of growing older. His words were a lesson in objectivity that I understood for some reason.  I particularly like his use of the word "growing" in the sentence when he is talking about the aging process. In life, one should never stop growing.... Things are happening as they are supposed to happen.  Life, too, is a process...lots of fascinating things about which to think and to write whether you are sixteen or let's say... sixty-five.