Play it Again #9: "Sticks and Stones"

 

First posted March 2021  Still important today....

                                     "Sticks and Stones..."

Please bear with me....  I wrote a couple of weeks ago about aspects of language not to be ignored.  Since then, a few more examples have become popular, and I want to mention them.  There is power in word choice.  There is potential danger in that power. Remember that old adage: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?  We all know that that is not true.  Words do hurt. Perhaps more realistic is: "Stones and sticks break only skin, while words are ghosts that haunt me." Personally, I would capitalize the H in haunt.

Consider the difference between your mental and emotional responses to the following...  "kids in cages" vs "unaccompanied minors in soft-sided structures", or “crisis” vs “challenge”.  Also, noticeably popular in past weeks -- "illegal aliens" vs "noncitizens" or “crybaby” vs “crybully”.  I am thinking that you definitely see and feel the differences. Why is this important? It is important because... word choices make a difference. Words may be and are used to manipulate thinking. One more serious example that piques curiosity ... why is something called a "Covid Relief Bill" when only 9% or so of the “relief” actually goes toward the “damncovid” situation?  It's a thought-provoking example of word choice as a smoke screen; isn't it?

Remember everyone -- we are not "lemmings to the sea".  (By the way -- that is a myth.  Lemmings are not stupid. These little hamster-like creatures do not rush together and hurl themselves off cliffs in waves of furriness.)  Neither, by the way, are we "unable to see the forest for the trees" as some seem to enjoy believing as they look down and smirk from where they perch above. 

Sometimes I think we get so caught up in trying to adapt and survive that we let things slide or don't pay close enough attention. Plus the fact – most of us are exhausted on some level from living during a pandemic in combination with political upheaval. Now is not the time to let things slide though.  Actually, there is never a time to do that. Keep your eye on Amazon and its new "silent but deadly" book banning. It smells bad to me. 

This mentality is seemingly spreading everywhere.  Just think about Mr. Potato Head and Dr. Seuss if you think I am overreacting.  Play-Doh could be the next target. 

No matter on what side of an issue you are -- no matter to whom you listen or what you believe, it is wise to listen carefully and to "see" the power of language.  Cherish your freedom of speech and that of others. Cherish your independence of thought and uniqueness as an individual. Respect that independence and uniqueness in others. Be word wise.

A closed and small-minded "cancel culture" of any sort is evil. Stand strong. Be mindful. Listen to others. Think. See. Push back. We are all in this together, even though, at times, it may not seem like it. Never forget ... your individual thoughts matter… and so do those of others with whom you may not always agree. Exchange ideas. Talk with others.

You know all of this, I know, but… I just had to write about it.  You are important; so am I. Everyone is. The ideas of an individual are important… so is the voice of each individual. Don’t let these freedoms be taken away from you.

"The smallest minority on earth is the individual.  Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities." (Rand)

Enough now....  

Play It Again #8: "Things in Common"

First posted in November of 2014

                                 Things in Common

It is wonderful to find a connection with other generations, but it is not quite the same as having a conversation with someone who remembers a Buster Brown X-ray machine or Bucky Bucky Beaver and at least part of the words to the IPANA toothpaste song that starts with "Brusha Brusha Brusha... with the new IPANA. It's dandy for your teeth."  Or ... remember Farfel's "OH... N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles make the very best --- chocolate"?  (Bet when you read that you were singing it in your head. I know my sister would be.)  Anyway -- when you have things like that in common, it is no wonder that you can communicate with others of your vintage by facial expression or a roll of the eyes. Perhaps each generation has its bonds that tie.  Boomers have a lot more serious bonds than those mentioned above, but today I am thinking about the "you get it" look.

The other day I was talking with an classmate of mine from the high school class of 1967. He is a good guy. We were chatting away and suddenly in mid sentence, I totally forgot what I was saying or where I was going with the idea if I could have remembered what it was.  We just looked at each other and said nothing. I knew that he knew. We both "got it". I am thinking that you may get the drift as well.  After a short silence, we both smiled, and he said quietly, "Yep..."  It's nice when other people understand, when you don't have to explain.   Yep....  
I have convinced myself that the forget in mid-sentence thing is totally not age related. Rather it has to do with running on overload -- so many things to think about -- too much information bombarding at once. I read somewhere that it is called "benign forgetfulness."  I am hanging onto that thought. I love my age...well.. most aspects of it. (It is interesting to step outside of yourself and take a good look at the "aging" process, but that is a discussion for another day.)  What I really like is having a connection with old friends where no explanation is necessary.  It's comforting in a world where a part of the younger generations are beginning to look at you like you are some kind of a dinosaur with wrinkles and white hair.  If they only knew.... They will...before they know it.  There is that.

Play it Again #7 "Beware if Goblins..."

First posted in October of 2021

Still a valid concern to think about today....  

                                      Beware of Goblins...

Remember Chicken Little?  As I recall -- Chicken Little is strutting and pecking around the barnyard when an acorn falls and hits her on the head.  Quick to react, as chickens tend to be, she naturally assumes that the sky is falling and although she has no idea where to go, she runs off to find Lion, who, she is certain, will be able to save them all.  First, she runs into Henny Penny and then Ducky Lucky, and after frantic explanation on her part, they quickly join her in her quest – no questions asked. All three, trusting souls that they are, run blindly off together having no idea where they are going, and are, as such, most relieved to encounter Foxey Loxey along the way. Because he “knows” the way to Lion – or so he says – they trustingly follow him.  Now we all know that they come to a bad end.  The story concludes, “They all go in, but they never, never come out again.”  And so it goes – yet another terribly frightening children’s story -- like “Hansel and Gretel”, or “Little Red Riding Hood”. Then also -- there is the old James Whitcomb Riley poem “Little Orphant Annie”.  Ah… the ever-strong, repetitive line: “An’ the Gobble-uns ‘ll git you ef you Don’t Watch Out! (And … Yes … that is the way that Riley spelled those words. Somehow annoying, isn’t it?)  Anyway – scary stories for children -- cautionary tales all. Anything we could we learn from them? Hmmm…

The thing is ... all of this makes me think of how nice, well-intentioned people are taken advantage of in our current world by much of the print media, visual media and politicians – on every side of an issue.  There is no escape. Like Foxey Loxey, these villains know exactly what they are doing when they focus on the negative and lure people into dens “… from which they never, never come out again.” Journalists and politicians use fear as the grand motivator … fear sells more articles, increases the ever-desirable ratings and gets more votes. Pause and think for a minute of the times you have observed this. Plus, there is the added bonus (especially for politicians) that fearful people are easily controlled and lured into a kind of group think situation. But beware…  and as you may have observed lately and throughout your entire life … groups tend to make more extreme decisions than an individual would ever make. The mob mentality that leads to vandalism and to cities burning is just one such example. Scapegoating the unvaccinated is another.  Group think in the extreme is not a good thing -- ever. It may be because of the safety in numbers “thing”, but group think decisions tend to be not only more extreme, but also more illogical and irrational than those made by independent thinking of individuals. In group think people get swept away – caught up in things. They sometimes regret it later. Their fear, stoked by the Foxey Loxeys of the world, gets the best of them.  They ignore the mutability of Science ...  We all need to beware of Goblins of all sorts ….

The optimist side of me hangs onto the thread that perhaps there is hope that people will learn -- even if it is from a children’s story.  I mean – think of it – isn’t teaching one of the goals of a children’s story like these -- cautionary tales that they are? No one wants to be Chicken Little. No one wants a goblin to get them.  Hopefully it is a small number who want to be Foxey Loxey.  Right?

Play it Again #6: Heart Hugs

First posted in October of 2015

                            Heart Hugs

I had a wonderful friend who gave what he called heart hugs.  They were the kind of hugs where you wrapped your arms around each other and pressed your hearts together.  They were indescribably wonderful. He being much taller than I sometimes made these hugs hard to manage, but if I could find a step to stand on, they were perfect.  I miss him.

Recently on Facebook someone shared a copyrighted "photo" that made me remember these hugs.  It was a scene of Charlie Brown and Snoopy hugging. The words? "I love the kind of hugs where you can physically feel the sadness leaving."  I think the source was something like "You are My O2" It was sort of hard to see.  Anyway -- that is the best definition of a heart hug that I could ever imagine.  Perfect....

A wise woman once shared with me that she never passes up a hug. She is one smart lady as she is definitely a hugger and thrives on them. Not all people are huggers though. I think hugging may be a learned behavior and some families are just not into it.   I am from a hugging family and sometimes I am not into it.  I get it. 

Hugs are healthy in general. Not all may be heart hugs, but all hugs are a good thing...even the ones that send your glasses flying. I have taught my grandchildren the heart hug.  Some things are worth passing on from generation to generation.  I consider it a gift from my friend to them. They never had a chance to meet him. I think, as he did, that it is important to share the good things, the best things about people who have passed through your life, whose lives have been a blessing. It's a poignant kind of immortality -- if the best that was them continues on. 

Heart hugs all around. 

Play it again #5: Sometimes Raising Children Is Like Being Pecked to Death by a Chicken

First Posted in May of 2016

                            "Sometimes Raising Children

                                         Is Like 

                        Being Pecked to Death by a Chicken"

No matter where you live, raising children is not for the faint of heart. Needless to say a sense of humor is a most important survival skill. I find that day to day life is much less stressful when your kids are all grown; you have somehow survived, and now it’s time to enjoy grandchildren – the most wonderful of all creations. I am totally “into” my grandkids, who are, of course absolutely wonderful in every sense – even when the younger ones band together and begin to lurk and skulk about in tandem – silent little Ninjas on an imaginary mission of some sort. If they would start not to be wonderful, I have learned that whatever the problem is, it will pass with a little love to get them through – or - I can always send them home to their loving parents. (Actually I haven't had to do that yet.)

I figure that I am entitled to enjoy my grandkids as I survived raising a son and a daughter… good kids, but they still dragged me kicking and screaming through the usual growing-up challenges – I found myself to be ever captive but … willing to help. I have to tell you that my hair is totally white. The loss of color happened prematurely, and I earned every single white hair. Frankly, I blame it on my son’s four wheeler experiences in combination with a certain fearlessness and his belief in his own immortality and on my daughter’s tendency to love and adopt animals – of all sorts… hamsters, fish, bunnies, dogs, cats, horses. She actually trained an old pulling pony to jump logs. She was about 7 years old at the time, I think -- maybe even younger.

Further -- I feel compelled to mention that the poor driving skills of both of them during the first year or so of having a driver’s license also contributed to my premature white hair phenomenon. My daughter nearly totaled a car shortly after she passed her driving test. I think it may have been one day after. One Day! The terror that comes with that sort of experience tends to hang on for a long time in a mom who tends to worry over even minor things. I will say though that at least she didn’t have speeding tickets in four states in one year like her big brother, so there is that for which to be thankful. By the way -- I no longer ask him about the status of that "tickets in one-year" record. I just assume that he has matured on that front + he lives in a Midwestern state that already has a high speed limit -- one which I find excessive to say the least. What can I say? He comes from a family that has a race car driver in its background. He feels the "need for speed" -- or did at one time.

Nowadays -- I have to admit that I take a certain perverse pleasure in listening to both of my children discussing their child rearing "situations" as well as when they call to ask advice.  I particularly love it that my son called to ask how I handled it when he was out late past curfew which, in truth, was never -- that I know of. He laughed when I told him that I used to go to bed early and set the alarm for 15 minutes before he was supposed to get home, so that I could be at the door to give him a nice long hug and to ask about his evening.  It worked for the most part – both kids knew I would be giving them that hug when they got home.  It was always my hope that they would think about that hug and welcome home talk.  I think they did. Then again – they may have left the house after I went to bed so that I never even knew that they were out – I don’t want to even think about it.  I have told them not to talk of such things in front of me as I am just starting to relax a bit on the worrying front now that they are handling their own stuff and raising their own children.  They are, by the way, doing an excellent job of it all.  (They now ask me nicely not to share their stories in front of their children.  Oh the struggles of temptation….)