It's like tennis...

Here's one troublesome and complicated issue that I think about sometimes. It is so important to me that I even hesitate a bit to write about it. It's a conundrum, and the thing is -- I want to get it right, be clear and... at the same time... tread lightly. 

Not alone in this, I know, but I am bothered that there isn't always quite enough time/energy in a day, and the ways I may spend my time/energy sometimes conflict. But... how I choose to live those moments is like tennis... I want to play with those from whom I can learn the good methods of play, so that I can play better.  I am most fortunate to have found many such individuals throughout my lifetime.  I cherish all of them -- past and present.

Unfortunately, I have also found that, at times, I encounter others who act as if they know for certain that other people are somehow responsible for their happiness.  I am talking about adults who do not acknowledge that they are responsible for themselves.  Things always happen to them -- they are the victims of the world. I am thinking that you have encountered such individuals as well. They fail to "see" that the world does not revolve around them and their issues. They try to control and to manipulate - perhaps most often without even a sense of that being what they are doing. At the core these are "good" people, but... they impose. They burden. Trust me ... No matter how much time others devote to listening and to offering advice if they are asked, no one can fix another's life. Interaction with such individuals is beyond exhausting. There comes a point, if you are lucky, that you have a revelation of sorts. It's this simple  -- you are only responsible for your own happiness. The burden is lifted if you know this.  Breathe....  It's is difficult enough to recognize that you are responsible for the energy that you yourself bring into a room -- always.  

It is so hard, though.. there is, sometimes, a heavy amount of guilt that comes with taking your own life back - even though, in your core, you know that you are doing the right thing.  Coming to know that ultimately you are responsible only for yourself is often a lesson that is learned the hard way.  Off and on, I have had a hard time with it for sure.  Like some of you, I bet --  there have been several times in my life when I thought/knew that I could help -- that I could fix whatever it was.  I was wrong.  I couldn't help.  I couldn't fix. What I learned is that it was only right that I should take my own life seriously. Ultimately, I am responsible only for my own happiness and how I spend what energy I have each day. Here's the thing -- I want to utilize both time and energy well. I have a certain responsibility to myself to do this. 

Somehow all this sounds somehow harsh, doesn't it?  It is especially hard for those of us who have been raised to "fix it".  Yet -- for people of my age, the expression "Life is short" takes on a whole new meaning.  If you are not there yet, my hope is that you find your own happiness.  You can't "fix it" for everyone ... no matter how much you wish that you could. Surround yourself with those who are playing the game on their own happiness and energy terms.  How you live is like tennis or any game that you wish to play well ....  choose those you play with very carefully.  In finding good players, I am/have been blessed for sure.  I am thankful.

Ladies Who Lunch

I recently returned from a ten day visit with my sister and her wonderful family. (You can only have that long of a visit with a sister/friend and other special people who tolerate you well.) Anyway  --it was a lovely visit in spite of a nail biting wind storm during which 70 mph winds ran amok through lovely Henrico County Virginia leaving hundreds of thousands of people without power -- some for almost week -- so far. Who knows how many garbage trucks were filled with the spoiled food from refrigerators and freezers in the Richmond area.  Many trees and vehicles have also not fared well.  We were only without electricity for 36 hours or so -- not a biggy in the grand scheme of it all.  None of the trees that were split and/or bent to the ground hit the house, and when we walked the neighborhood the following morning, we were indeed thankful to have been spared.  

Yet -- even with all this excitement, it was a lovely stay. (Point of interest -- Ice Cream that has thawed for fourteen hours in the freezer before you remember that it should be eaten is the perfect consistency.  Just saying. Very little, if any ice cream went into the garbage at my sister's house.) 

Enough on the storm part of the visit -- I just have to tell you about one particularly enjoyable afternoon of my time in Richmond -- before the storm....

Here's the thing....  I am retired.  My sister, who is a little bit older than I, is still working.  I think I now understand why she doesn't want to retire.  She and I went to meet two of her friends for lunch. Talk about a bond among people with positive attitudes -- a bond that doesn't always come with the close proximity of working together in sometimes challenging circumstances.  They work with little children and share a mutual concern for them that is most touching. They also care about each other and the people with whom they work.   And -- they laugh -- a lot.  They are delightful. They made me laugh the good kind of laugh.  You know -- the kind that comes from somewhere deep within -- the real laughter -- the healing laughter. Somehow I managed to finish lunch without choking or having ice tea come out of my nose.  I think that was a minor miracle of some sort. Maybe that comes from the fact that they teach in a church preschool. Who knows? Whatever the reason -- I am thankful.  I never want to embarrass my sister. 

Before this gathering, I thought that the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts and the Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens were amazing.  I had been entranced by the shopping at Stony Point, Cary Town and Short Pump.  But -- that was before I met two very special people.  I will remember the afternoon forever.  Just thinking about it makes me smile.  I like to think of them as the ladies who lunch.

Dilly Beans and the Demise of the Disposal

Why is it that homeowner "troubles" seem to arrive in clumps?  I recently noticed that not only does my barn need new fascia, but I have also struggled with mechanical issues with both my garden vehicle and pasture tractor. Then -- last week huge computer issues, and most recently -- my garbage disposal met its final end.  I am so thankful for good plumbing people. I simply have to mention them specifically -- Dan Flick's Plumbing, Heating and Air Conditioning.  They understand. They are the all around best  -- not only are they nice people, but they also know what they are doing, do it well and promptly.  Again -- Thank You!  I so admire efficiency and ...  that they keep a straight face when you confess that you were trying to make things disappear when everything fell apart.

Here's the thing -- my disposal was probably on its way out anyway when I put what remained of a small jar of past-their-prime hot dilly beans down into it. However --  in hastening the beans to their end, I also managed to totally clog the drain in my kitchen sink which then backed up and, of course, would not drain out.  The result was that by morning my entire house smelled like yucky hot pickled green dilly beans. Oh -- lest I forget -- the disposal also began to leak under my sink as well -- enough to ooze and drip out onto my kitchen floor before I noticed what was happening with all that.  Oh my....  Those of you who have been there, can fill in the rest of the details.  When help arrived, shortly after I called them,  the under the sink area reeked of damp Brillo pads. The Flick's professionals were nice about that too.

Ah -- the joys of home ownership.  Then again -- I am always thankful that I am not washing my dishes in the pond behind my barn and sleeping out under the stars listening to the sounds of the bull frogs and dive-bombing mosquitoes. There is that....

Scammed! Not a good feeling.

You think you have a handle on things.
You think you are alert.
You think it could not happen to you.
You find out you are wrong.
You feel stupid and vulnerable.
You find out you are not alone.

To make a long story short.  I thought I was dealing with a company that provided support for Microsoft in the form of anti-virus/optimization, etc.  -- not those guys who call you with the phone scam ... other guys.  I called them first -- a few months ago. Anyway -- they had control of my computer supposedly working to solve an ongoing issue that I was having with their software, and when I refused to give them my bank information, they blocked me from access to my own computer by setting their own password, and... they hung up on me. I discovered this when after deleting all their software, my computer would not allow me access. Interestingly -- they have since called back twice trying to regain access to my computer once again. Needless to say, I replied with an emphatic "no".  (There are times that "...giving someone a second chance is like giving them another bullet for their gun, because they missed you the first time.")  I told them to send me a check to refund what I had paid for the anti-virus/tech support, etc. They said they would. I don't believe them.

The aftermath -- over three hours of working with a wonderful support technician who works with the manufacturer of my computer, got me back in business, but I lost everything on my computer -- everything except the things I didn't even know that I had on a cloud and that wasn't much. Now a few days later -- having reinstalled my software and reconnected with my email provider, I am back in business -- sort of, but the whole experience still stings, and I am extremely thankful that I did not have any financial information stored on my hard drive and that I was able to block them from ever charging anything on the credit card number that I had used with them. 

I guess I am writing this to say that if this type of thing has happened to you -- I know how you feel.  

What I am wondering is what goes on in the minds of people who make a living taking advantage of those of us who trust and expect to be treated as we treat others? I guess I should know better at this stage of the "game".  I am disappointed.

A Work in Progress

As I look back over the blogs that I have written during the past couple of years, I cannot help but think that, at this stage of the "game", I am still very much a work in progress.  I think that is a good thing for a person.  Right?  There is something about the element of possibility in all that that appeals to me. 

On my desk in front of me is a quote written on a small piece of paper.  I read it at least once  --  every single day.  It says, "It is never too late to become who you always wanted to be". I take that very seriously.  It's hopeful.  It's comforting. It speaks of a tomorrow.  The thing is -- I do think of the tomorrows.  I find it sad that there are people who don't have dreams or who don't play with the possibilities of who they want to be/become. I find it sad that there are those who are caught in what was -- past tense. The fact of the matter is, there is a point when you are no longer who you used to be.  That is the way of a life.   It is true of all who live to a certain age.  It's important to let go of the parts of the past that hold you in place or -- that drag you down.  It is vital to move on  -- explore the possibilities.  Be thankful. We have all learned a lot throughout the years.  Now is the time to put that knowledge and experience to use.  It is not about how old you are; it is about who you are and who you want to become.  It is about who you are becoming.

Human beings don't always do the right things or make the best choices. That's is because we are ... human.  We are not supposed to be perfect. Some days we just have to put one foot in front of the other and try our best.  The key is to move. Look forward. Watch your step. Be nice to people. Enjoy....