So long 2020... don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out....

Strange times we live in. Among other things, it has been a year of firsts for everyone in ... well ... the entire world.

2020 for me was...

• the first-time I saw empty shelves in stores because people felt compelled to hoard toilet paper and certain cleaning products.
• the first time since diaper changing days that my hands were raw from over washing. 
• the first time I witnessed people backing away from other people without ever really intending or wanting to do so -- a time of stopping hugs in midair.
• the first time I ever contributed to a Presidential campaign or put political signs in my front yard because I needed to remind myself that I, too, am entitled to my own opinion.
• the first time since the Vietnam War Moratorium (when I was held captive in an elevator by a bunch of screaming, seemingly unhinged, hysterical protestors) that I even thought of what it is like to be on the other end of what has come to be known as "the cancel culture"...
• the first time that I ever had a gut reaction to the word "woke".

Perhaps most significantly - 2020 was the first time that I saw frightened eyes on masked individuals on a regular and disheartening basis. The eyes of children above masks is the saddest for me. And now -- it is a first time for those alive in all the world to be caught in the web of a pandemic and to be experiencing well-earned "plague angst" and "covid fatigue". 

All that being said and in trying to remain positive ... just think of other new words and phrases that have been added to our vocabularies. One term I coined myself is - damncovid.   Aren't we all just so sick of it? We need to switch gears.... It is possible, though, to think of some really good things about this past year. They are all around us. Further, it is possible to recall these things in brief moments of sanity. I think.... I hope.... Perhaps the difficulty is in trying to hold onto those moments of sanity once you do find them.  Those moments and a good sense of humor can be amazing survivor tools in a world of so much loss, sadness, and myriad of challenges. Right? There are so many things to talk about, but ... back to the idea of maintaining sanity... or perhaps of being on the edge -- if truth be told.

I, for example, have become an avid wild turkey watcher.  For some reason, and that may have to do with walnut trees in a field close by or because a neighbor feeds them on a daily basis, the wild turkeys abound -- huge and in large numbers. Fascinating creatures even if a bit greasy looking.  I have also spent a bit of time counting the points on antlers as the buck pass through my yard and pasture twice a day -- often stopping to prune my lilac trees in uneven and artistic ways.  I am not concerned about these new "compulsions".  The thing that is bothering me is my plan to vacuum the ceiling of my garage.  I had planned to do that in warmer weather and now am waiting for the first halfway decent day. I can almost see you shaking your head or rolling your eyes -- don't you try to tell me that you have not found new ways to entertain yourself in order to survive the past few months.... (I would love if you would share some of them.) We do what we need to do. Right?  (You should see my basement.) 

One more thing ... the greatest oxymoron ever is the now popular AloneTogether. Hang in there world. There is light at the end of the tunnel...."  That, my friends, is a given.  It is what my Mom always used to say. It has always been true before; I believe it is true now. I, personally, am counting on it.  Onward to 2021... with hope for much better times and no cobwebs on the ceiling of my garage.

No bah humbugs from me...

As much as this holiday season is, shall we say challenging, in a combination of ways the world has never experienced before, we continue in hope.  People decorate trees and their homes. There is special music on the radio and the spirit of giving abounds. We hang on to what sustains us even though there may be a leaf or two less in the table. 

Recently a most wise woman shared a quotation that has a message for us - especially in these times; it reminds us to tune out the negative that abounds. It goes like this: "The world is shape-shifting, and it's a time when distractions run rampant, impeding our ability to hold on to what matters most. We must hold strong and fast to the belief that we create our own personal reality.  We are the keeper of our own peace, happiness, joy, love and healing."

May this peace, happiness, joy, love and healing fill your hearts and homes this holiday season and beyond.... That is my wish for all of you.  Merry Christmas, Happy all Holidays, and a Blessed New Year. 

The Upside of Masks

 

Actually, I only see one upside of mask wearing other than the socially accepted health-related one, and I will get to that in a moment.  For now, I just have to confess that I suffer from "mask feeling of suffocation".  Someone please think of a simple one word or perhaps a short phrase for that other than "mask induced anxiety", which sounds overly dramatic. "Maskuffocation"?  It is a real thing.  I would never be able to work a job for which mask wearing is mandated. Good thing I am retired. Seriously... only now, after months of practicing in my living room, can I wear a mask long enough to make a run to the grocery store, and even then, I sometimes can't make it all the way through and have to find an empty aisle somewhere so that I can drop the mask for a second and actually breathe before I pass out.  I know.  Weird, right?  (I dare you to tell me that it is all in my head.) Probably should also mention that in addition to increases in my anxiety level, masks also contribute to unappealing feelings of anger, but that is an entirely different issue altogether and may be more complex than I am willing to think about at this time.

There is one thing, and one thing only, however, that I love about masks and that is that I simply cannot understand one word that a politician says when masked. It's perfect really.  I am totally fascinated by how the mask moves up and down and in and out while muffling, muting and blurring every single sound.  Bizarre.  It is difficult though, and I don't find it in the least amusing, when someone, a normal person, is talking directly to me and I can't make out what they are saying. I fear that he or she will be offended by my blank look, but then I remember that they can't really see my face anyway. I think that I am a bit of a lip reader actually + facial expressions offer clues to a lot that isn't actually said. The masked world is difficult for me. I am thinking that I am not alone in this.

The worst thing is though that I don't recognize people from the eyes up -- especially if they have a hat on or heaven forbid -- a hat and sunglasses.  Then add to that that their voices are totally distorted and muffled; it is a wonder that we don't lose all our friends. I find it rather amazing that people tend to recognize me.  Some have told me that it is my hair which is the giveaway. I am not sure that is a good thing.  I have decided that they are referring to the whiteness rather than the fact that I never comb it.  Hey... we all kid ourselves about something...sometimes more than one thing. It's okay.

Anyway -- back to the masks because I know someone will suggest that I wear a scarf. I tried wearing a couple different types of scarves including bandanas, one was even like the ones that Howdy Doody always wore, which I thought would be great because I secretly have always wanted to be a cowgirl, but all types of scarves sucked into my mouth in what I found to be a rather impressive way. I do breathe when I walk.  I think that is because when I put on a mask or a scarf, I breathe with my mouth open so that I don't suffocate.  When a scarf gets sucked into a person's mouth, not only is it scary for small children to see... and most unattractive... but for me... it is suffocation in process... or choking.... It's all very complicated.  I stay home a lot.

The thing is I have this feeling that when we get to the end of this pandemic, some expert is going to tell us, like they did at the beginning, that masks are not really a good thing or that they matter not at all... or... the worst-case scenario... that they contributed to the spread of all sorts of unhealthy things. Have you seen how dirty and gross some masks are?  For now - if it makes people feel better, I will wear a mask.  I just won't wear it for a long period of time.  In the meantime, if you see me passed out on the floor at Walmart, you will know why.  I will be the one with the messy, startlingly white hair. The one who can't breathe. And... by the way... I would never tell you that you have to wear a mask... or try to shame you into it. Nope... not ever.  Just sayin'. Also -- you will never see me with a mask hanging off one of my ears. Again - nope... not ever.  Just not my thing.

Post Thanksgiving/Pre Christmas

Has there been a time in the past year when we have not been in the midst of a Covid Infected Election Process? (CIEP) Bless us all. It's a double burden.  Anyone else need a break?  Thank goodness we have the holiday season to help us get through. Right now we can look back fondly on Thanksgiving and look forward to Christmas.   We can hang on to the after and to the before of these celebrations for sure... although... changes have been made there -- even if not mandated by crazed in-power personages. For example, I know for a fact that some "ordinary" people started decorating for Christmas before Halloween in these unusual times.  Good for them. Not to mention that I also know for a fact that some families in NW PA did not eat outside on Thanksgiving as suggested by someone who obviously doesn't know what is going in the real world. Gatherings may have been smaller and perhaps simpler, but...  I don't know about your house, but at mine it was rainy and in the 40's.  Inside was lovely.  We do what we need to do to cope with this most unusual year. Obviously many of the politicians are doing what they need to do to cope - flying here and there to large family gatherings, eating in fancy restaurants, etc. while telling us to stay home alone. Is there anyone out there who does not detest such hypocrisy? Yep -- we need a break.

It has been a year of, shall we say...  a combination of challenges. Wonder if we will ever be able to look back on these times and laugh.  I am betting that we will. I actually know people who make me laugh even today.  I love them for that. I know people, for example, who are considering giving toilet paper for Christmas gifts -- if they can find any. Who wouldn't see the humor in that -- even though it is really a discouraging situation?  Right? I see people all over the place who have not lost their sense of humor and who can make fun of the hardships and reach out, at the same time to help others who are trying their best to "keep the smile".   As for the grouchy of the gloom and doom.... Weary of them yet? I would never suggest what you should do as far as this is concerned except perhaps to suggest to them that it might be a good idea to turn the channel.  Personally... I have come to the point where I ignore them whenever possible.  You can't help them anyway.  They are enjoying their personally embraced "dark winter". It's exhausting to watch them or to be around them. It's sad. And... they will try to suck you in. "Misery loves company" and all that. Be careful! Hang in there! 

I recently saw a meme on social media that says, "Scientists have found that one dog year does not equal 7 human years. In fact, the only thing that equals 7 human years is 2020."  Twisted perhaps, but funny too. I tell myself often --  Smile.  Your kids and grandkids are watching. Living in these times brings out who I am at the core ...  and hopefully that is who I want to be. I am thinking that you know exactly what I am talking about.  

A certain kind of quiet...

There is a certain kind of quiet -- almost a peaceful silence -- after a serious snowfall.  Except for the occasional sound of the wind, that is the silence of this morning. It is an impressive start to December here in Northwest Pennsylvania for sure. Not much is moving.

Just last week I was writing to a friend, who is in the sunny South for the winter, about how she was missing the end of a November that had suddenly turned dreary -- I described that the leaves were now all down and blowing about if they were not too mud covered and clotted together under bushes.  I described the situation as an ugly prelude to winter that makes one appreciate the first snows.  Really?  Obviously that was written by someone who had temporarily forgotten how the beauty of the first snow may hide the dirt, but what it really does is blanket and blind.  It's the combination of the "b's". 

I was driving home yesterday in the early evening and watched as cars were literally plowing the roadway as they struggled to get home.  Anyone who lives around here is familiar with that and knows that I am not exaggerating.  I literally needed 4-wheel drive to get up my driveway.  I thought at the time that it was a good thing that I remembered the road home so that I could stay on it.  The thing is, I was only driving about a quarter of a mile and even that was scary.  That's the thing about blankets of snow -- very pretty, but you don't know what is under them.  

As for snow induced blindness, we are not talking here about not being able to see because of the glare off snow in sunshine, although that is a real thing. It's why people around here carry sunglasses in their vehicles in the winter even though most days are a bit on the sunless side.  What we are taking about it how it is necessary to drive in the dark on low beams because one cannot see a damn thing if the high beams are on.  Anyone who lives in snow country knows exactly what I mean. That is the problem if there isn't any wind.  If the winds are blowing drifting snow -- that is a whole other thing... a potential nightmare of total lack of visibility.  I am not even going to talk about that. I will just say that we call it a white out. That describes it perfectly.  Think of the reverse of a black out.  It's just as scary... maybe even scarier, because shining a light on it makes it worse.

I have a cousin who lives in Eastern Pennsylvania, near Philadelphia, who jokes about me living in Siberia.  This morning, I think he has a good point.  It sort of feels like it at the moment.