Hidden Wounds

                           

                           May 16, 2020 through May 22, 2020

So... my daughter's 40th surprise birthday party came off without a hitch.  Her kids and a couple of neighborhood kids did all the decorating. They were an impressive team.  They texted me "Go!" when their Dad managed to get my daughter out of the house for a few minutes, and all four kids were outside in the pouring rain when I got there about two minutes later with the necessary supplies that we had bought together the previous week during a rare masked outing. They unloaded the Jeep in about 3 seconds flat.  By the time I got my vehicle parked behind a neighbor's enormous rhododendron bush and got back to the house, they were blowing up balloons, arranging plates, eating utensils, napkins, etc.,  and had everything ready in an half an hour. I did basically nothing but watch in awe, and the guests began to arrive within 15 minutes.  The surprise was a success! A good time was had by all. Restorative. We do cherish those few moments of normalcy in these nutty times. I think everyone there craved a bit of a reentry into family life.  It was lovely. By the end of the afternoon, men were gathered on the back deck solving the problems of the world, women were gathered around the table laughing and talking, kids were jumping on a trampoline in the rain.  Smiles everywhere.  I felt young again. It was a gift of a day not only to my wonderful daughter, but to everyone there... a touch of what life used to be before what I have come to think of as the damncovid.

In the meantime...

Politicians across the country are breaking every rule they impose on the common person, because they think they are "special".  I think I may understand now why people hate politicians sometimes.

There is a high school in New Hampshire that is using a local ski resort for their graduation.  The grads will ride in the chair lift. Ingenuity at its best.

Drive-by bridal and baby showers are now a real thing.

Friends are gathering in parking lots, driveways, on patios and open spaces.  Socially distanced  --  Face to Face chats are a necessity for sanity.

Daily emails with favorite people are becoming mandatory. The virus has everyone on edge a bit and emotions tend to be close to the surface. I find myself even writing thank you notes to the mailman and garbage pickup guys.  They write back.  Sign of the times.  

The Covid fearful wear masks when driving alone in their cars.  Only they understand why they do this.

Some businesses are now being allowed to call workers back in to work. How have people been surviving?

The world continues to take deep breaths and shutter a bit as they exhale.

A PA Health Official moved her mother out of a nursing home just before ordering the nursing home to allow recovering COVID patients to be returned.  Yes -- government officials deserve their unpopularity at times.

There is not a Lysol or Clorox wipe to be found anywhere. 

First doctors said that we had to lock down until a vaccine is developed. Now the same doctors are saying that locking down too long may cause irreparable damage.  Suicides in some states outnumber covid related deaths.

Hidden wounds of living during a pandemic begin to fester.

After effects...

 

A question for you. Do we all have concerns that we have placed on a mental shelf… somewhere safe where the concerns sit on the edge of consciousness swinging their feet just waiting to jump back into the light?  I think we do.  We put these concerns there thinking that we will think about them later… and we do… maybe just not when we want to think about them though. They leap down off the shelf at inopportune times.

Second question for you.  Remember when we thought that our parents or “experts” in general had it all figured out – concerns were sorted into their proper places?  We thought all questions had answers, that all problems had solutions.  We thought these older folks and experts for sure knew what they were doing. They had the answers and the solutions. We could count on them. They certainly acted like they knew things.  Well… “Not all the actors are in Hollywood.”  Everyone knows that. Now that we have become the older generation, we know the truth.  Scary, isn’t it?  I call this dilemma the “After Effects of Experience”.  That is kinder somehow than saying that sometimes old(er) people have learned some things along the way. Listen to them – even though they may not have a clue in a particular situation.  Unlike loving parents though, experts should never pretend that they know things that they really have no way of knowing. It’s misleading. Better to be above board and admit the truth.  Everything, in some ways, is an experiment – it is always survival of the fittest – like the plants I put in my garden – like the Science of recent days.

Now that the damncovid appears to be winding down (at least for now) and political upheaval has become a series of hums with just an occasional annoying off-key blat from trombones, maybe it is time to take a few things off that mental shelf. Maybe it is time to examine some of those After Effects of living through a pandemic. With that in mind, here are some After Effect questions I have heard and asked recently:

How long will we continue to hold our breath when someone hugs us?

How long will we avoid cramped spaces?

How long will we mentally look for a disinfectant wipe when someone shakes our hand? (This is what I call the Monk effect.)

How long will we think that maybe we should just stay home?

How long will it be before we learn the truth – the real truth - about this pandemic and… will we know it to be true when we hear it?

It’s funny, but it’s not. And it goes further.  I have talked to more than one person in recent days (several actually) who have decided to willingly agree to be a guinea pig – to receive a shot of one of the experimental drugs not as yet thoroughly tested or approved by the FDA - drugs that are touted as vaccines. It is in the back of their minds – perhaps on one of those shelves - that they are participating in a grand experiment – perhaps out of fear, but definitely with the hope that they are helping to end the spread of a deadly virus. They have willingly made a grand gesture. Yet – in the back of their minds is always the question of another whole kind of After Effect – the as yet to be discovered -- the ominous -- Side Effect(s).  There is an aura of uncertainty surrounding the whole process. For those participating, it’s a done deal – they now just wait to see what happens. The silent concern is the question of what that might be.  Perhaps this is why there is such a pressure to make every one in sight take the same risks. The push is on. It is comfort in numbers. Ohio even offers the incentive of a lottery.  It is fascinating to watch the incentives roll out… pressure upon pressure.

The entire world has shared this pandemic. We have been in this together for sure. No one likes to feel alone.  I understand that. There is, however the danger that this desire for everyone to join the team could evolve into a groupthink situation in which the desire for conformity results in the irrational. It makes me think of the double-masked individual wearing a laminated vaccine card hung around his/her neck or dividing seating areas into vaccinated or nonvaccinated. This “push” has a certain ugliness potential – its own unique After Effect. I just wish that people would not be so in your face about things... so divisive. Then again there always have been and are those among us who just like to yell at others. It makes them feel better. Perhaps the yelling quiets fears. Maybe we should take a closer look at that as well. 

Not everyone shares the same path of trying to journey on and through this pandemic tunnel – or life, for that matter.  Individual choice counts for something as well.  So does the right to make those choices.  Sometimes people have enough of their own After Effects to deal with; they don’t need the added burden of sharing the weight of others’ choices… or of others’ fears. “Covid fearful” is a real thing. It is all around us. It seeps into all the cracks. Here’s hoping that the loss of respect for others is not the ultimate After Effect. Wish I knew at least some of the answers to all these questions.  I don’t. I don’t even pretend that I do. The After Effects live on…. They often make me take a slow deep breath… then exhale even more slowly. A slow deep breath is calming.