Shime vs Shame...

 

Sometimes I walk in the early morning in the parking lot of a local church – it’s flat and easy with the added bonus that if I fall down and break something, someone will eventually find me.  It is also a little boring except for the bunnies there.   So … I listen on my phone to Podcasts to ease the sameness of walking continuously in a large rectangle.  There are a lot of good ones on Podcast Player, but for some reason I prefer the ones I have checked out on Spotify.  When I need a break from the creepy ones on the supernatural, unsolved mysteries, real crime, deathbed confessions, psychics, conspiracy theories, etc. I turn to self- improvement ones on topics such as developing critical thinking skills, etc.   My favorite of these is The Jordan Harbinger Show. If the "audio only" doesn’t do it for you, you can actually watch the interviews on YouTube. 

Jordan Harbinger does interviews with a huge variety of really smart and interesting people and covers all sorts of topics – too numerous to get into here ... except to say that the ones with real life spies are super good.  Recently I listened to an old interview with BJ Fogg, a research associate and author.  He and Jordan were talking about making changes and creating healthy habits and one thing sort of screamed at me. I want to share it with you -- just in case you, like me, tend to beat yourself up – sort of a self-trash-talking thing – when you are trying to make a change in how you do something or to break a habit of some sort.  His take on things is to switch the channel, so to speak, and to approach the whole change/habit one tiny step at a time – all the while concentrating on what makes you feel good about the situation rather than focusing on the bad and the failures.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

The thing is, if I understand correctly,  that feeling good about what you are doing – like in the change that you are making – is a better motivator than guilt inducing self-criticism (#belittling yourself).  Even trying counts. In other words –stop the self-trash-talk.  In fact – he has research results indicating that feeling good about and celebrating (feeling good about) each small step of the change is more effective in developing new habits than repetition (as many of us were taught)  … and ... it is certainly more effective than criticizing oneself.  He also gives helpful hints on how a person goes about making these changes -- what tiny steps to actually take. He gives examples. Well worth a listen… especially if you are, right now, trying to make important changes or to break bad habits… or habits you have labeled as bad.

He labels the emotional results of this positive approach a “shine”.  I like to think of it as a “shime” as in the opposite of a “shame”. My “shime” is not to be confused with the town in Japan (Shime) or with the acronym for the Simulator of Human Intestinal Microbial Ecosystem (SHIME).  We need to be careful about words these days ... especially when one makes them up -- or thinks she does.  Anyway -- the whole idea of making positive changes one tiny step at a time and celebrating (being mindful of and feeling good about) each step works for me.  I am using that approach as I move through cleaning out five closets.  Three down; two to go. Honest. It’s working beautifully and I am making positive changes and breaking some iffy habits as far as saving old stuff/sometimes junk goes. Drawers are next.  Goal in the drawer scenario? To get down to just one drawer for odds and ends that I may need someday.  I like it.  I am "shiming" through the change and maybe breaking some "bad" habits as well. Or at least I am having fun trying. I think smiling (if possible) is always better than the alternatives.