Let's Talk About Friends...

I have had some wonderful male friends over the years  (still do), but let’s face it – on some level, men will never be able to understand women.  Why should they?  They are not like us..  We can't really understand them either. I think men are wired differently or something. I don’t spend much time thinking about it at this stage of the game.  This gap, imagined or real, which sometimes causes painful disappointment on both sides, is not the fault of men, nor that of women. It’s just there. Some have even said, “Vive la difference!”  

More to the point I am trying to make though … I have female friends of all ages, and I value the perspective of each -- from the young woman who finds life to be a bit more black and white than I may now in my 6^th decade -- to the woman in her 9th decade to whom life has offered many lessons, some of them hard-learned.  If you are fortunate enough to have a friend of this age group, you need to listen most carefully to what she has to say. She’s been there.  A few of my favorite tidbits offered by a woman at age 96 as she was speaking her own truth: “Don’t worry about it; it happens.” “Whatever floats your boat.”  “Time heals nothing. You just get a little more used to it every day.”   

There is such wisdom in experience.  A friend of mine, now in her 8^th decade, formed a discussion group a few years ago that meets once a month -- unless she is off in India, China, New Zealand, Australia or some other exotic place. How cool is that?  Anyway - this friend has mentioned on two occasions that it is important to cherish your female friends because it is they who will be with you as time goes by. Think about that, fellow women. (I must mention that I know of one group of particularly savvy members of the Class of '67 who totally get this.)

Further -- when I think of this advice, I can’t help but think of my "growing-up" "best" friend.  We have been friends for almost sixty years now. Everyone should have a friend like her. Time passes, and we may not even have a hint as to the details of each other’s current life, but we hear each other’s voice or see each other across a room and automatically tap into that "connection".  We know who each is at the core. We swam in the Brokenstraw Creek, scaled large rocks in our Keds, and walked a rabbit on a leash for crying out loud. She taught me how to drive a standard shift in the high school parking lot. We faced the "horrors" of adolescence and worse -- together.  We laughed; we cried -- together. This friendship is as close to a "sister-bond" that one can get without actually being a sister.  When we talk, it is like no time has passed and we catch up if we need to. If not – we are just thankful that there is someone out there who knows  -- really knows. There is someone out there who could finish the other's sentences if need be, who could be in some part the other's memory and sometimes has been. There is someone who can “read” the sound of the other's voice, see the message by looking into the eyes of the other with nothing being said.  There is someone who knows that if you put “it” into words, that you are somehow removing “it” from what “it” really is… that if you talk about it, you diminish it somehow. Friends like this get the message in a miraculous way. I don’t know what to call that.  Very simply – these friends understand each other without any of the explanation. They are able to sense the message – completely – with all its nuances.  It is as if they reach out and softly grasp the other’s hand….

Yes -- There is so much to say about friends…  a friend is truly a blessing -- I so wish I could find the right words.  Who hasn't wished that?  I also wish that everyone could have a good friend.