Play It Again #8: "Things in Common"

First posted in November of 2014

                                 Things in Common

It is wonderful to find a connection with other generations, but it is not quite the same as having a conversation with someone who remembers a Buster Brown X-ray machine or Bucky Bucky Beaver and at least part of the words to the IPANA toothpaste song that starts with "Brusha Brusha Brusha... with the new IPANA. It's dandy for your teeth."  Or ... remember Farfel's "OH... N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles make the very best --- chocolate"?  (Bet when you read that you were singing it in your head. I know my sister would be.)  Anyway -- when you have things like that in common, it is no wonder that you can communicate with others of your vintage by facial expression or a roll of the eyes. Perhaps each generation has its bonds that tie.  Boomers have a lot more serious bonds than those mentioned above, but today I am thinking about the "you get it" look.

The other day I was talking with an classmate of mine from the high school class of 1967. He is a good guy. We were chatting away and suddenly in mid sentence, I totally forgot what I was saying or where I was going with the idea if I could have remembered what it was.  We just looked at each other and said nothing. I knew that he knew. We both "got it". I am thinking that you may get the drift as well.  After a short silence, we both smiled, and he said quietly, "Yep..."  It's nice when other people understand, when you don't have to explain.   Yep....  
I have convinced myself that the forget in mid-sentence thing is totally not age related. Rather it has to do with running on overload -- so many things to think about -- too much information bombarding at once. I read somewhere that it is called "benign forgetfulness."  I am hanging onto that thought. I love my age...well.. most aspects of it. (It is interesting to step outside of yourself and take a good look at the "aging" process, but that is a discussion for another day.)  What I really like is having a connection with old friends where no explanation is necessary.  It's comforting in a world where a part of the younger generations are beginning to look at you like you are some kind of a dinosaur with wrinkles and white hair.  If they only knew.... They will...before they know it.  There is that.

Reach out...

 

A few weeks ago now I had a very special week.  On Monday I had lunch with a childhood friend and the very next day four of my cousins came to my house for brunch.  There is something very special about the memories you share with a friend of almost 65 years and with family… yes, something very special. I have written before about how sharing part of your childhood creates a special bond between people and being a part of family has its own special and uniquely wonderful connections as well. 

Part of the fun for me in both situations is retelling favorite stories and listening to them being retold as well.  It is a bit of a liturgy really. These stories are a part of a customary “repertoire” of things of the past.  People are fortunate to have them… and even more fortunate to be able to tap into them once in a while. They are worth repeating.  They remind us to remember. 

Sitting across my kitchen table from my childhood friend (notice I did not say old friend?), I was transported back to early morning chats with her dad while sitting in the booth in their kitchen while I waited for her to get ready to go to school with me. She reminded me that he used to tease me about things. I remember everything.  I remember his voice and her mom moving around their kitchen in her “pumps”. We talked about her mom’s love of gadgets.  I remember them all. Such memories are a gift. We share many memories – years and years of them – not that that is the only thing we talk about. That is another whole gift – being able to share thoughts without any guard up whatsoever. Childhood friends know who you are at the core... and sometimes it is a case of -- they like you anyway. I am fortunate in that. 

There are special family times as well – worthy of repeating.  I wish more of my cousins lived closer and that we had even more childhood memories to recall and share. We shared a common growing-up and knew older relatives of several previous generations – we share our memories sometimes with differing perspectives.  It is a bond. It is friendship of it own special kind. It is also mega fun. Plus -- they are just plain wonderful people.

All of this calls to mind the most special of all though -- the liturgy of stories my sister and I used to share or the silly songs that we made up or remembered and that carried on into adulthood.  We would bring them out at the most inopportune, surprising and sometimes inappropriate times.  There would be a sudden burst of song and the other would join in.  My son told me one time that I was a different person when I was around Aunt Cindy.  (I still find that amusing. Guess he wasn’t used to me/us suddenly breaking out into the old Nestles’ Quik song as it was sung by the charming Farfel.) Sometimes you just had to be there…” Her birthday was September 11th. (So much more to remember on that day now since 2001.)

Anyway – the part about this that “hangs on” is that it is not the same with her gone now. Life is short and unexpected.  I guess I just want people to share with friends and family as much as you can while you can.  Haven’t we heard this kind of warning before? Perhaps many times?   There is a reason why we have. 

Was talking with another high school friend later on in that same special week. She was in town for a brief visit and a family reunion. What a lovely way to spend an afternoon.  We covered a lot but did focus, for one brief moment, on loss and how it touches everyone at some point in their lives. Now in our 70’s… loss is perhaps too familiar. Yet -- it is a part of it all.

Add me to the list of those who issue the warning to reach out to those you love.